It finally happens: You meet your match made in Heaven, your soulmate, the one and only… and you realize the person who is oh-so-perfect for you is not the apple of your inner circle’s eye. What are you going to do now?
I’ve been there. I met the perfect guy, but my sister instantly didn’t like him. This caused a bit of friction as the relationship progressed. (She ended up being right, but my journey to that revelation was not easy!) Here are some suggestions for navigating the “you dig someone but others don’t” dynamic.
Remember your friends have your back
So, someone in your world isn’t feeling your new love? The first thing you should do is realize that they have your best interest at heart. And why wouldn’t they? Your friends and family love and care about you and desire the best for your life. Maybe they are simply being wary or protective, but at the end of the day it’s all out of love.
When my sister, Jamie, revealed that she didn’t like the new guy I was dating, I was sad and a little offended. I felt that she was questioning my judgment. When I took a step back, I realized that she was genuinely wary of him. She was expressing her concerns and wanting to protect my heart.
Give them time
First impressions count for a lot, but they’re often not spot-on. I’m sure you’ve jumped to conclusions about someone before, only to change your mind after encountering them again or having more information about who they are as a person. So, give your inner circle time — once they get to know the new person you’re with, they may change their minds.
Have a heart-to-heart
The best thing to do when there is no meeting of the minds is to have a heart-to-heart. This way, all the cards are on the table, and you can see where everyone is coming from. Maybe those closest to you see something that you don’t see. Or maybe they are letting feelings about who they think you should be dating cloud their judgment. You won’t know until you ask!
When Jamie and I talked, I realized that she had been seeing things in my new guy that reminded her of some negative aspects of a prior relationship she had been in. Without this insight, I could have thought she was being narrow-minded, judgmental or just plain jealous. Seeing her concerns in this light helped us preserve our closeness. In the end, my sister was right! The guy didn’t end up being great for me, and I was thankful to have another set of eyes who saw some things I didn’t see.
Don’t disappear when your new date appears
Another reason your crew may not like the new person you’re with is if you’ve vanished off the face of the earth since. Maybe you’re spending too much time with your new date and your friends and family don’t think your relationship seems balanced. If you had a friend who was suddenly consumed with someone new and you hardly heard from them anymore, would you be concerned? Or less than enthusiastic about the new love interest? Exactly!
So make sure this isn’t all your inner circle is basing their perceptions on. Be sure to nurture your friendships because good friends are hard to come by. If you’ve disappeared, it’s time to reconnect.
Originally published on June 28, 2017.