How to Ask Your Family About Their Health History

A couple of years ago, I began having stomach troubles. Nausea, vomiting, pain, and constant fevers began interfering with my daily tasks. As doctors struggled to pinpoint the cause of these worrying symptoms, they asked me to delve into my family history. I knew my parents were healthy, so this meant I had to reach out to other family members who may not be as open as they were.

These conversations taught me the importance of discussing those often uncomfortable topics. As a family, we feel more connected and proactive about our well-being, which helps us better manage our conditions and form a stronger support system. A reliable community is among the most important aspects of navigating a health journey, and I’m grateful I no longer have to do it alone.

I’ve learned that understanding my family’s medical history is incredibly valuable to understanding my health. Although it can feel awkward or intrusive, it’s essential for making informed health decisions. Through my experience, I’ve learned some effective strategies for discussing health history with my family members.

Start with a purpose

Before diving into a conversation, it’s important to have a clear purpose. In my case, I was motivated by a desire to understand potential genetic risks, such as colon cancer or inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). Learning any history would be valuable information that could help me find the root cause of my issues and ensure my doctor had a complete picture of my health background.

By understanding the illnesses I may be at an increased risk of, I could address the root cause of my issues, and take proactive measures to prevent them, like regular screenings. Having a specific objective helps to frame the conversation and shows that you’re coming from a place of genuine concern rather than nosiness.

Choose the right time and place

It’s best not to blurt out the question in the middle of a family gathering or during a sensitive moment. I found that bringing up family history during holidays wasn’t ideal. Instead, I chose quieter, more private moments when everyone was relaxed. A casual coffee date with my mom or a quiet evening with my grandparents provided the perfect setting for meaningful conversation.

Know how to ask

Starting with a personal story or concern was an effective icebreaker. For example, I might say, “I recently had a check-up and my doctor asked about our family’s health history. It got me thinking how important it is to know more about it.” This approach sets a personal and non-threatening tone.

Then, I gently eased into more specific questions, such as, “Do you know if anyone in our family has had IBD or colon cancer?” Keeping the conversation casual and framed around mutual care and concern can help family members feel more comfortable and open to sharing.

Know who to ask

It was pointless for me to ask step-grandparents about their medical history as I don’t share any genes with them. I started with my parents and siblings and worked my way up. You share 25% of your genes with second-degree relatives such as aunts, uncles, grandparents, and half-siblings, so don’t forget to ask them too.

Be respectful and sensitive

Discussing health can be a sensitive topic, especially for older relatives who might have different attitudes toward medical issues. I made sure to approach the subject with respect and empathy.

Although I took a sensitive approach and carefully chose my words, my grandmother was slightly taken aback. Digestive issues can be taboo and difficult for many people, especially in older generations, to talk about. However, once I told her I was experiencing worrying symptoms and my doctor was concerned, she became an open book.

Ask specific questions

General questions can lead to vague answers, so I prepared specific questions beforehand. I asked about chronic conditions like heart disease, diabetes, and any history of cancer, mental health issues, or genetic disorders. Specific questions helped jog my relatives’ memories and provided more useful information.

Use a family tree

Visual aids can be incredibly helpful. I created a simple family tree and filled in what I knew before our conversation. I used Canva, a free design site that allows you to create an easy-to-understand diagram of your family tree. However, you can use other sites like Ancestory.com or MyHeritage for more detailed versions. As we talked, I updated the tree with new information. This format kept the conversation on track and was a useful reference for everyone involved.

Through building this tree, I learned that I had an increased risk of IBD and breast cancer, as both my aunt and my grandmother on my dad’s side had been diagnosed with stage II breast cancer and my grandfather had mild IBD. Approximately one in eight women will receive a breast cancer diagnosis, so I knew it was essential I went for regular check-ups.

Respect privacy

Some family members might not be comfortable with sharing certain details — and that’s okay. I reassured them that they could share as much or as little as they wanted to and that I would respect their privacy regardless.

Ultimately, this approach resulted in my IBD diagnosis. A timely diagnosis allowed me to start treatment immediately, preventing further health battles and allowing me to live my life fully.

Ask questions and know your risks

Talking to your family about their health history can be challenging, but it’s crucial to gain an overall picture of your health. By approaching the conversation with empathy and respect, I gained valuable information that helped my health journey. Overall, this experience brought me closer to my relatives. We now had a deeper understanding of each other and I felt I could be more open with them throughout my health journey.